So on my last post about my birth story I did not mention the traumatic entrance of my son. That was a whole other chapter in the birth story. Here it is:
7:38PM on 7/11/17 Jackson entered this world with his umbilical cord wrapped tightly around his neck. It was wrapped so tightly that my doctor could not put a finger between the cord and his neck. She had to cut the cord off. I never heard him cry. He was placed on my stomach blue and not breathing. He was quickly whisked away to be worked on. It was chaos.
There were so many people bustling around. An entire NICU team, my family, my doctor, my nurses. My mom stood by me and held my hand as the NICU team worked on my baby. For those thinking why wasn’t my husband standing by me he was carefully watching over our son. I couldn’t even see him across the room with all the people surrounding him. They had hooked him up to a CPAP machine to get him to breathe and had to stimulate him. I finally heard him whine, but he still wasn’t breathing like he should. Everyone had a different opinion of what was going on, but the overall consensus was he was going to the NICU. I thought I wasn’t going to be able to see him before he left, but my doctor grabbed him and brought him to me. For a minute I got to hold my son and look into his eyes. He was so beautiful! He was already hooked up to so many wires. Then they took him away.
Once I finally got to go to the NICU to see him we were told he had a pnuemothorax. A pnuemo is a hole in his lung. It was most likely caused by the CPAP. For newborns it is not an uncommon occurrence and they usually heal on their own. So there he was laying in an incubator in the NICU, my world. He had been poked, prodded, and hooked up to oxygen. Only hours old and he had already been through so much. As much as I wanted I couldn’t comfort him. I felt lost, useless, and scared.
Jackson stayed in the NICU for 5 days. Leaving my newborn son in the hospital as I went home was one of the hardest things I had to do. I waited 9 months for him and I couldn’t bring him home. I was a wreck, but my husband was such a rock for me. I don’t know what I would have done without him. We spent almost every waking hour in the NICU with Jax, and every time we had to leave I fell apart. He was healing though, and the last two days he was kept only because he was jaundice. Saturday 7/16/17 he was finally discharged. He had passed all of his tests, and he was coming home. Relief washed over us as we left the hospital with our son. I can’t even put into words what the whole experience was like. It was the most frightening and hardest experience I have ever had to go through. I am so thankful he is healthy and alive.
I wish I had comforting words for any mothers going through the same thing, but in all honesty there is nothing I could say that would make you feel better. Just know you are not alone, and not to hide any of your emotions. It is perfectly okay to cry and be angry. If you have a partner lean on them. Don’t try to do it alone. I hope it works out for you, and your baby is healthy and gets to go home with you. Stay strong!