When I try to write about the Las Vegas mass shooting my words and thoughts get all jumbled. I want to have an eloquent post, but in reality there is no easy way to talk about this. As many of you know I am a Las Vegas native. I was born and raised in this city. People always ask how it was growing up in Vegas, and I’ve always said it was normal like any other city. It is no longer a normal city because we have experienced the worst mass shooting in modern US history. Not only did I grow up here but I am also an AEMT at MedicWest Ambulance. I was not able to respond to the incident due to still being on maternity leave. I’ve never felt the way I have this past week.
Guilt seeps through my skin because I couldn’t be there that night. I became an EMT to save lives to be there on the worst day of people’s lives and give them hope, and I was unable to be there for this. I felt helpless as I laid in bed watching this all unfold. However I looked over to see my sleeping son in my arms and my sleeping husband next to me, and I thought what would happen to them if they lost me. I couldn’t bear the thought, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing one of them or any of my loved ones. I also feel disbelief because just 2 years ago I worked that very same event as standby medical. I’ve walked those grounds where so much blood was shed and I’ve been next to that stage where people did their best to stay alive. I know what those people where experiencing that weekend. I have been there and I had a blast. To imagine while people had let their guards down to enjoy some amazing country singers and have a good time a sick man took advantage of their weakness. I feel scared because I considered going to Route 91 this year because I knew I would be on maternity leave. I could have been there, and I might not have made it out. I feel great sadness for all the victims and the families of the lost. Everyone there will be forever scared whether it be physically or mentally. I hope and pray they heal and find peace. I feel angry about the horrible people saying people deserved this or saying that it was a cover up. It is so disrespectful to those involved. To tell people who were shot at, injured, or killed that it was made up is wrong on so many levels. This is not the time to be sharing conspiracy theories. To those saying the victims deserved this you are disgusting. But I also feel grateful that I was not working and I was not attending. I have a brand new baby boy that needs a mother, and a husband that needs a wife. I have a family that needs me, and I need to be there for. With all those emotions I also feel extremely proud of my city! We have come together to support and take care of each other. I am so proud of my first responder family. Many people woke up in the middle of the night, put on their boots, and left their family to go save other families. Many risked their lives that night. They worked their asses off, and did an amazing job.
This tragedy will forever be ingrained into our mind and heart, but I know we will heal. Continue to donate and give your support. We have a long road ahead of us. We are strong, we are brace, we are battle born. #VegasStrong